Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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