Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
