Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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