Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
