I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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