her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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