it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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