I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
