Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
