i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
