i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
