He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
