Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize