Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
