in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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