She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize