I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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