the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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