I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
