Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Boobs speak an international language.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize