There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
NoShamevember. You game?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
