I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
