paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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