I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just invented taco cereal.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
