First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
