i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
