Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
