summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
