just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
