you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
