When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
