You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
