Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
