Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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