It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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