I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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