i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize