Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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