Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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