Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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