If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
