The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
