You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i drank out of a bidet.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This is the high leading the old right now
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize