A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Someone came in the potted fern
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
