I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
