end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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