my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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