so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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