I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
