she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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