Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
did i walk over a car last night?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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