She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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