Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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