I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
