Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
