I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
