I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
