I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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