hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
