if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
