I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
