Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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