Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
