Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
