dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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