I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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