My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
