I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
