i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
