I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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