Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
