Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize